is waif
REVIEWING TIMOTHEE CHALAMET'S THE KING
I pride myself in my originality, however I have no shame in admitting I follow the mainstream with my beliefs in Timothee Chalamet both as an actor and aesthetically as a person. While, I can say that I find it a little odd that so many girls fell in love with him based on his performance in Call Me By Your Name since it depicted a tender plot of love between two men, his talent did fuel what his appearance was already doing for me. He’s objectively attractive, especially in 2020 where (thankfully) men are beginning to adopt more “feminine” expressions as opposed to a fight of masculinity. Timothee looks like an anemic oil painting and that just might be my type. I admit that I’ve seen the majority of the films Chalamet has starred in, even Hot Summer Nights. So when I found out Timothee Chalamet would be the star of David Michod’s The King, I was honestly really excited for the opportunity to watch 2 hours and 20 minutes of Timothee Chalamet in 15th century clothing. And it featured Timothee with long hair and a bowl cut. Honestly, it seemed like a great movie viewing experience. It all seemed so, dare I say, waif. Or that’s what I thought.
November 1st hit. The King is finally released on Netflix. I am sitting in the green room for the production of a BDSM production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream I was Assistant Stage Managing. Having no real tasks to do during the show, I decide to take out my laptops put on my ugly, ugly Beats headphones and turn on The King. The first scene was scenic. How pretty, I thought. A minute had passed of scenery and horses and the middle ages when fear overcame me. Timothee Chalamet had yet to enter the frame and my interest with dwindling.
The minutes to follow felt like centuries- it was fine I suppose. And finally: he came on. His hair long and wavy. How nice it looked. His aesthetic appearance fit the time period so well. But much to my fear a minute of screen time had passed featuring Timothee Chalamet and I was still bored. Yes, Timothee Chalamet is attractive, but I was forced to come to the realization that this movie was boring. It was basically the plot of Shakespeare’s Henry VI Pt 1 & 2 and I could barely get through that play. I read the first part but was too bored to read part 2, so I lied to my friends who like Shakespeare and told them I loved it. Now, my sins had come back to confront me as I was watching a movie that was my own double edged sword. It had Timothee Chalamet, yes, but it was also the plot of the most boring Shakespeare play I had ever (somewhat) read.
ne hour into the movie or maybe it was only twenty minutes, someone stopped and asked me how I was enjoying the movie- did I like Timothee Chalamet’s performance? I had to take in the question, really take it in. I love Chalamet, he’s a great actor and will get better gigs than I probably ever will. But in The King? Not to be a hater or betray my allegiance to Chalamet, b-but. But, I didn’t. He sounded like he was gargling of rocks or that the cigarette smoking he did in Call Me By Your Name had finally caught up to him. Maybe his portrayal of the role is just who the character is? All I know is after completing the whole movie I found out he was supposed to have a British accent- I couldn’t tell.
I could tell, however, that Robert Pattinson was supposed to be French. I am not even French and I was offended by his accent. He would’ve been perfect in Monty Python. With that said Robert Pattinson’s Prince of France might have been my favorite part of the movie. Pattinson knew what he was doing when he spoke with that accent - it wasn’t that he had a bad dialect coach.
He knows he’ll probably get an Oscar nomination for The Lighthouse and knew that that film would be released around the same time as The King. So he said: fuck it! Let me collect this bag! Or at least that’s my theory. His character kept me awake. As I did fall asleep multiple times whilst watching the film. In fact, finishing The King was a three day long affair, as I fell asleep twice. Two hour twenty minutes has never felt longer. And the whole time I was wondering when Lily Rose Depp would make an appearance! When she finally entered the screen I was overcast with fear that we were nowhere near the end of the film, however it turns out she was truly only in the movie for five minutes. The amount of press she got deceived me! Depp was good in the film, she spoke French a lot which I do not speak so can not put much judgment on her performance. Of course, I’m jealous of her. The King is what got Lily Rose Depp and Timothee Chalamet together -- that’s a lot of girl’s dream.
Immediately after finishing the film, I created a Letterboxd account. I followed no one because I saw no point. I had one purpose to be on this website and it was to review this film. My first review I wrote:
“Every actor in the king knew exactly what they were getting themselves into. Robbert Pattinson clearly didn't give a fuck about this performance and because of that his performance in the king was arguably the best. Everyone was either too much or too little. It took me three attempts to finish this movie as the first two times I fell asleep and woke up the next morning to see that, much to my surprised, I slept through not only the king but whatever unrelated TV series is recommended to watch after The King. Lily Rose Depp was fine because she was in the movie for five minutes and almost exclusively spoke French, a language I personally don't speak. Timothee Chalamet sounded like there was rocks stuck in his throat,, I hope his cigarette smoking in CMBYN hasn't finally caught up with him.”
I got no likes. I think what I wrote was a little too edgy and controversial for the other users. Maybe.
Overall, the film made me question do I really want to take my European History gen ed next semester? Or am I now ahead of the game because I watched The King and now the history of Henry V. Am I finally at the place to go back and revisit Henry VI part 1 and 2? I think I might be, but only time will tell. But the most important question to come out of my viewing of The King is: is it waif? And I have to say overall no. But Robert Pattinson’s portrayal in it is. And Timothee Chalamet’s bowl cut in the film for sure is. My allegiance still lies with Timothee Chalamet and I’m counting down the days till Little Women, but you can’t love every aspect of a person. And I just can’t love The King.
Made me question:do I want to take a european history class