is waif
PARENTING IN THE AGE OF GOOGLE
In the famous words of Ferris Bueller, “life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” If you are between twenty and thirty, life for you moved lightning fast. Your childhood went from little to no computer technology, to cable this, cell phone that, and social media took over any free moments you had. At the older end of the spectrum you started with MySpace and moved swiftly to Facebook. Then came Twitter, Instagram, SnapChat and many failed apps in between. Where cell phones were once checked in at the office until after school, they became the norm in the classroom and actually pretty essential to getting the learning job done.
While you were all navigating that, parents were left to navigate the rapidly changing world for our kids. To be honest, it was not really difficult for me, as I am consistent on my style of parenting. If I said no to something, it meant NO. So, my kids were not first on the street with the latest electronic. We carefully weighed the good and the bad with our first two. Born in 1989 and 1990, they are considered Millennials or GenY.
issue 11
“A lot of you feel adrift, because you were hovered over and afraid to step out of the glass box created for you.”
Our second two are born in 1997 and 1998 and are considered GenZ. That small fact recently gave me an ah-ha moment when I was struggling with some parenting criticism given to me by a person dating my oldest daughter. He shared with us her frustration of not only being first born, but that she was raised differently than her younger siblings and she resented all of it. We are a pretty tight tribe, so this was all news to me.
At the time, his words cut deep and hurt like hell. I mean, first of all it was not his place to share this information, and second of all what was he even talking about? They were all raised with the same core values. We sat to dinner every night, were pretty regular church goers, in that they were all baptized, received first communion, and were confirmed in the Catholic Church. The way I saw it, they had a pretty typical all- American upbringing. The way she saw it was they had more freedom than she.
As I dissected the facts before me, it occurred to me that they did not have more than her, they in fact had different than her. Our third child did not survive past her first day of life, and so the span from the first child to the fourth child is eight years. Historically, they would have been of the same generation, and life would be pretty much status quo with the
exception of hair styles, fashion, and music. In this case, however, the change was technology and it was moving at breakneck speed. And what happened to parenting is rather ugly and a serious punch to the gut.
Instead of learning trends and moving forward, parents went into pure panic mode, and hovered over their kids more than any other time in history. Suddenly it was believed that you were all fragile humans incapable of making any decision on your own. You were absolutely unable to complete any class assignment that required crafting. Where parent groups never existed before in college, it became the norm. And companies actually pitched to parents when kids were applying for first jobs! CRAZY!
The competition amongst parents became brutal and kids were basically tossed to the side as the game got rougher and the goal was ACT/SAT scores and admission to the Ivys. “WE got into Stanford!” It was only the bravest souls that could remind the parent that THEY did not get in... Their kid got in. With the latest headlines and all of the cheating that has recently been revealed, perhaps the parent bragging really was the one that got into Stanford. Who is to know?
What I do know for sure is a lot of you feel adrift, because you were hovered over and afraid to step out of the glass box created for you. Your social profile has been carefully curated to be the person you want your parents to believe you are. You are afraid to open any of your secret closet doors, in case family won’t or can’t accept who you are. On one hand you rebel like hell and scream that you don’t need parents or their opinions. On the other hand, the little kid that lives deep inside of you desperately wants your parents’ approval, but more than that, their love and affection. That would ring true for any generation.
As parents of your generation, it has been a brutal time. However, it is not all lost and you can and should foster a healthy relationship with boundaries that suit all of you. The beauty of technology is the ability to communicate with one another in so many forms. Social media gives mixed messages of everyone having the most perfect of lives. If we are to be honest though, we despise just as much the chronic complainer. As a mom I talk pretty openly with my kids. I don’t need to know personal details of their lives and I never felt the need to search rooms. I have been the parent crying into my pillow because one of my kids was cyber bullied beyond any comprehension. I have also been the mom that has been able to communicate through writing when I am disappointed or need to say something they need to hear. In past generations, those types of discussions would be swept under the carpet and resentment would just lay dormant in a persons’ soul. I can’t do that.
Families are broken and fractured more than ever before, as we lack our once daily literal face time. We can adapt to the ever-changing times and stay close by utilizing technology to our advantage. When you can love yourself and family wide open on social media, your soul will thrive. Face to face time will always be my favorite, but I do love that family group text is a thing and when someone says they talk to their mom five or six times a day there is no need to be jealous... It is the way of the world. It is called texting. I am not your mom, but If you need me... text me!